I received this stupid pen on my birthday years ago from my ex-wife, and even before I divorced her flabby body, I hated the pen.  I have no idea why she bought me this piece of crap.  Sure, it writes fine and could "seem" kind of cool, but I hate it.  The color is ugly, it barely fits in my banana sized hands, and it comes with some weird carrying case.  King Kong could barely write with it. Every time I open up my drawer and see this waste of space, I am reminded that I used to be married to that skank who gave me a stupid pen for my birthday.  It's not like I collect pens or anything, or even take time to write stuff down.  I use a computer to write.  OK, call me different, but even if I did like or use pens, this is not the one I would have spent money on.  I have no idea how much she paid for it, but I can guarantee you it was my money she used to buy it.  She could barely hold down a job, let alone cook for herself.  This dismal lazy slug sat on the couch for entertainment and watched old movies all day.  I think she held a job for like 38 minutes once.  That was because they had lots of paperwork to fill out, and it took her that long before she got bored and left.  We were married for about 3 years, before she decided to take more of my money to go buy beer for herself and her new "friend".  She made up some lie telling me she was working downtown at this Starbucks store, which I knew was a lie since the customers would have to make the coffee themselves on her shift.  So I drove by a bar where I knew she frequented, and saw her dumb face sitting on a stool with her "friend" Brad, some doofus she had introduced me to once a while before.  They were sitting at the bar kissing, if you can call it that, and soon afterwards I was kissing off the marriage.  She came home later that day and denied the entire thing, and when I told her I had driven by and seen her slobbering all over that hairless chihuahua at the bar, she still tried to deny it.  I told her to pack her dog food and get out of my house.  If I was in a right state of mind and not thinking about cancelling all our credit cards and getting her off my bank statement, I would have packed this stupid pen with all of her worthless crap when I did the final toss.  How to lose 160 pounds of ugly weight quickly?  Pack her crap in plastic trash bags and leave them on the curb. 

My current wife, who is way more beautiful and way more cool that this pig could ever choose to be, hates the pen too.  One of the coolest things about the whole divorce was I knew my attorney, because he was my neighbor's brother. He was also a big cigar smoker. When it came time to belly-up, I paid him with a cheap cigar humedor that I bought at a trade show for almost nothing.  Forget those Divorce-in-a-Box deals, this was way cheaper.

So, please buy this pen.  I just want rid of it, and any memories of red-headed elephants lying in my bed to just go away.  I will even ship it for free, just to make sure it leaves my house and the state I live in forever.  I have started the price out as low as eBay will allow me, so if it sells for that, I will be happy.  Just don't use it as a weapon.  Hey, why didn't I.....never mind.  Jail time would not have been good for my frail body.  I don't date males.  Especially those I meet in the shower.  Happy bidding!