We all know sports figures are some of the biggest BS'ers in the
world, the perfect example being when an athlete say's it is not about
the money... it's always about the money! So I have put together a list to help the casual sports fan translate what is actually said in the post game locker room:

1. We are taking it one game at a time... Really means we are looking ahead to a big game against a conference rival, and have no respect for the next team who we feel we should beat easily.

2. It's all about winning to me, personal stats mean nothing... Really means I am your typical selfish athlete who knows more people (especially sponsors) remember the dunk champ and home run leader than the role player on a title team.

3. The illegal substance wasn't mine, it belonged to a friend/relative... Of course it's mine, but I have to lie to keep the previously mentioned sponsors.

4. We expect the new coach/GM to be here for a long time... One losing season and this guy is gone quicker than Bill Michaels' hairline.

5. We have total faith in our current coach/GM... We can't fire the entire team and will fire this guy as soon as we can interview a better candidate.

6. He needed a change of scenery... He was a cancer in the clubhouse and we were lucky to get rid of him.

7. I had no idea I set a record... C'mon, I knew about the record weeks in advance!

8. I don't read newspapers or listen to the radio... I hate that sportswriter/radio guy, can quote exactly what he said and would love to beat his face in!

9. I had an error in judgement (following an arrest)... Man, I can't believe I got caught!

10. He was the best athlete available... We were unprepared after the team in front of us drafted the player we actually wanted.

11. The bad play or bad call was not why we lost... Hell yeah, the stupid play by so-and-so is why we lost!

12. We don't worry about the other team, we just play our game... In today's video/scout enriched system- of course we worry about the other team, to a point of obsession.

13. I apologize to my team, the owner, and most of all the fans... PLEASE don't dock my pay!

14. I would play this game for nothing... You fans are so dumb, most of you don't realize we not only make millions, but get free food, cars, drinks, clothes, and much more.

15. College football players can't have a playoff, these students would miss too much class... once again you fans are stupid since every other level has a playoff system, but Division One Bowl Games pay too much money.

16. College basketball players are mostly on spring break during March Madness... more stupid fans, gullible enough to believe kids get 3-4 weeks for spring break or better yet, these kids actually go to class and graduate.

17. I miss being able to go out in public, you know the anonymity... I want to be like Tiger!

18. He is the youngest athlete ever to achieve this status... Check his birth certificate, he lied about his age.

19. He is the oldest athlete ever to achieve this... Check his urine, that dude is on the juice.

20. That is my unbiased opinion... Everybody is biased, that's why it's MY opinion!

Dan "Wildman" Burich